The Process of Constructing the Self and Its Relation to Psychotherapy

The outcome of development in adulthood is that consciously regulated variability of self becomes possible. The ideal outcome is for each individual to have both a wide repertoire of strategies and a consciously accessible process for selecting strategies to fit current circumstances. Reciprocity with non-self An important component of the dynamic-maturational perspective on self-organization is that the self does not exist alone; it always reflects an interface with others and with the context. The self, in other words, is always in a reciprocal process of shaping, and being shaped by, the nonself. Attachment figures are essential components of non-self through which infants and children structure a protective interpersonal world. Family interactions are the bi-directional process through which we make people (Satir, 1972). To use Bowlby’s metaphor, parents and children are on separate developmental pathways (Bowlby, 1979). What they meet along these pathways shapes the clay of self such that, when they come together, they differ. As they move into the tight orbit of intimacy, each presents some aspects of self that have been shaped by their separate experiences and these aspects must now be remolded to fit the other person. That process of shaping and being shaped around a productive discrepancy is central to personal development. It is important that, in this zone where they meet, parent and child expose the clay of self in ways that promote flexibility and do not create harm. When the parent’s clay is too fully formed, too hard and dry, the child must scape against it or be shaped in deforming ways by it. There is no place for the child to attach, no opportunity for mutuality and reciprocity. The child must either get on alone, which is not possible to do in childhood, or must distort him or herself to fit the shape of the attachment figure. In attachment terms, the child is likely to construct one of the compulsive patterns (A3-4), in which the child organizes from the parent’s point of view to meet the needs of the parent. Such a child develops a self, but much information about the self and about others’ ability to adapt to the self is lost in favor of information about the needs and desires of the attachment figure.