The Process of Constructing the Self and Its Relation to Psychotherapy

On the other hand, if the clay is too soft, too wet or squishy, the child’s attempt to snuggle in or to resist the slip and suck of the mucky ooze can result in a smothering embrace or a furious tussle. In attachment terms, the outcome is likely to be a Type C coercive struggle for the child role, through either excessive anger or incompetence/submission. Whether the strategy is Type A or Type C, the child is forced, through interaction with the non-self, to organize self-protective strategies that are skewed. The harmony of finding one’s self fitting comfortably and protectively against the non-self is lost. Most people who seek psychotherapy have had the experience of distortion of self to fit an attachment figure’s limitations. The metaphor fits psychotherapy equally well. When therapists present true aspects of themselves that fit the client’s need and are offered in a truly reciprocal, protective, and growth challenging relationship, the development of the client is fostered. However, not all therapists can manage the uncertainty and personal vulnerability that this entails. For example, if therapists fear aspects of themselves, their own or others’ pain, or intimacy itself, they may rigidly and technically structure a dry therapy around doing the right things, i.e., following the rules of their system of therapy as they were taught to do. In such cases, the client as a unique and suffering individual is rebuffed and sometimes is sufficiently aware of the therapist’s discomfort to behave in ways that protect the therapist from the client’s needs (A3). Alternatively, the client may care for himself (A6). Both responses defeat the therapy. Ironically, these responses to therapists’ limitations are likely to reflect precisely the distortions that brought the client to therapy.